Faith. The essence of everything that’s hoped for and everything we strongly believe in. I remember when I was young, I had a strong faith – I had a lot of faith. However, over the years, I admit my faith dwindled. I don’t really know why. Maybe because of all the experiences I had that either broke my heart or broke me all together. It’s not really easy hanging on to my faith when my heart’s being broken to pieces or I am being broken to pieces. Which leads me to think, maybe my faith wasn’t really that strong to begin with.
As a child, I used to love listening to Bible stories. Every night, my mom would read out loud about the wonderful characters in the Bible and I would feel so content listening to them. I remember reading the Bible and even wanting to attend a Bible study class. As I grew up, I thrived on my faith (it helped that I went to a Catholic school). So much so that when I was in 8th grade, I seriously considered becoming a nun. Back then, thoughts of being a nun filled my heart with joy and a quiet contentment that I never knew I could feel. I didn’t become a nun, though I don’t exactly know why I never really pursued it but a talk with my mom comes to mind. As I experienced devastating moments again and again, I began to question that thing that makes us hold on to something even though the odds are impossible. I think somewhere along the line, I lost my faith. Not completely though as there’s still that little spark in there that now, as a married woman with a child, I am beginning to rev up.
Having a child scares the hell out of me because of the oh so many responsibilities that lie on my (and my husband’s) shoulders. Like all parents, I want to give my son the best, especially in terms of education. But with the rough times I am going through now, I don’t know if I can give my son the best. All these thoughts swirling in my mind, darkening my heart, and clouding my soul have found me reaching out to something I thought I have lost – my faith. Yes, my faith is the hoped for sunshine after weeks of torrential rain. It is the proverbial light at the end of a long, dark, and winding tunnel. It is the air that gives me life. It is my hope. And it is what I cling to whenever the future overwhelms and scares me.
Right now, I hang on to my faith for dear life, and it has saved me from drowning. Faith has given my weary heart and soul a rest from all my fear and anxieties. Life is tough but as long as I have my faith, I will survive. My fear and anxiety still get the best of me from time to time but I know as long as I remember to have faith, everything will be okay. Life is not perfect – my life is not perfect – but with my family and my faith beside me, I will be okay.