Tag Archive | child

Future (Un)Tense

As far as I can remember, I’ve always lived in the present, never thinking about what may be. All that changed when I got married and had a child. Suddenly, I get cold sweats, worry frowns, and anxiety attacks when sudden thoughts of the future permeate my consciousness. It’s not even on purpose. I’m just sitting there, minding my own business when “wham!” “bam!” thoughts about the future invade my mind and crush my soul. There’s no delicious release in sight. It’s just one overwhelming anxiety after another.

I don’t know what it is about the future that I dread so much. Well, I guess not having a stable job and a savings account would do it but it’s not like it’s too late. I can still remedy those things. I think it’s more that I have a child whose future highly depends on my present actions. The constant question, “Will I be able to give him a good future?” looms over my being. I guess it’s the fear of the unknown. I have always thrived on planning and knowing what’s going to happen but the future is a whole new ball game. It’s so dark and murky and that’s why it’s so scary. Also, the fact that all our decisions and actions in the present affect our future. Who knows how my future will turn out because of what I did in the present. Add to that the fact that I have a child who I want to give a bright future to. Pressure much.

I guess it wouldn’t be that bad if I had a stable job and savings but right now I’m so up to my head in debt that I live from paycheck to paycheck, as most people say. Having a glimpse of the future would help ease my fear but then again wouldn’t the future change when I change something in the present? The future is anything but certain. Scratch that one out, I guess.

Right now, I’m holding on to God and trying to change my lifestyle so eventually I will have some savings. I hold on and pray that it is not too late to save my future, God willing. Hope is all I have and I will cling to it with all my might. That, optimism, and action.

Being married and having a child changes a lot of things, especially your outlook in life. So, before it’s too late, especially if you’re still single, do yourself a big favor and SAVE. Sure, living in the moment is fun but life is not always only about fun. It is also about stability and responsibility. Try to balance having fun with those two and you’ll have a nice future. Your future self will thank you.

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A Mother’s Heart

mother-daughter-love-sunset-51953.jpeg

Before I had my son, I didn’t know I could love as much as I do now. Friends kept asking me, “What changed?” and during my son’s early months, I couldn’t answer them. I think the change came gradually. Before I knew it, everything that I did was because of my son and for my son. My thoughts and life purpose is consumed by him.

I never knew love as pure and as overwhelming as I look upon my son. He has become not only my world but my life. Sometimes when I hold him, hug and kiss him, I feel as if my heart is going to burst from so much love for him. I think all mothers would agree with me when I say that our heart has grown exponentially just to accommodate this humongous love we have and feel for our child/children. I look at my son and I could see all of my hopes and dreams in this little guy. He has become the personification of all my hopes and dreams. It’s like falling in love for the very first time. The kind of love that you discover the first time, without any pain and heartbreak.

Like all mothers, I know I will never get tired of my child. He, along with his father, is the love of my life and my world. I know nothing is perfect but my life now with my son is close to it. It doesn’t, and will never, get any better than this.

Little Angels

I just learned that a dear friend lost her baby and it is by far the saddest news I have received these past months. I cannot begin to comprehend the amount of pain my friend felt upon hearing the news and I have no words that are good enough to comfort her. This poem is wholeheartedly dedicated to her and to all the moms (and dads) who lost a child. No one should ever go through that kind of experience but these people do and I hope they know that they are not alone. We may never know how painful this experience is for them but we will always be here to listen, hug, and to simply be there for them.

How do you
comfort
a mother
who isn’t?
There will never
be the right words,
right affection,
right hug
when a life
has been torn,
when no explanation
has been said.
A love in
its purest,
ethereal,
transcendent;
a love
beyond
time
deep
raw,
true;
a bond
that will never break,
a bond
even death
cannot severe.
When her pain
runs deep,
when her womb
refuses to forget
how can you comfort
a mother who isn’t?
How can you comfort
the strongest person
she will become?
She is all beauty
grace,
and splendour now
as what was lost
will forever
watch over her.

Happy Heart’s Day ^_^

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Whether you are single or in a relationship, it doesn’t matter. Spend this day with the people you love – your boyfriend, girlfriend, friends, spouse, child, children, parents, grandparents, pet/s etc. What matters is you are with someone special, someone you deeply care for. Have a wonderful day filled with love, laughter and beautiful memories! ^_^