Tag Archive | decisions

Future (Un)Tense

As far as I can remember, I’ve always lived in the present, never thinking about what may be. All that changed when I got married and had a child. Suddenly, I get cold sweats, worry frowns, and anxiety attacks when sudden thoughts of the future permeate my consciousness. It’s not even on purpose. I’m just sitting there, minding my own business when “wham!” “bam!” thoughts about the future invade my mind and crush my soul. There’s no delicious release in sight. It’s just one overwhelming anxiety after another.

I don’t know what it is about the future that I dread so much. Well, I guess not having a stable job and a savings account would do it but it’s not like it’s too late. I can still remedy those things. I think it’s more that I have a child whose future highly depends on my present actions. The constant question, “Will I be able to give him a good future?” looms over my being. I guess it’s the fear of the unknown. I have always thrived on planning and knowing what’s going to happen but the future is a whole new ball game. It’s so dark and murky and that’s why it’s so scary. Also, the fact that all our decisions and actions in the present affect our future. Who knows how my future will turn out because of what I did in the present. Add to that the fact that I have a child who I want to give a bright future to. Pressure much.

I guess it wouldn’t be that bad if I had a stable job and savings but right now I’m so up to my head in debt that I live from paycheck to paycheck, as most people say. Having a glimpse of the future would help ease my fear but then again wouldn’t the future change when I change something in the present? The future is anything but certain. Scratch that one out, I guess.

Right now, I’m holding on to God and trying to change my lifestyle so eventually I will have some savings. I hold on and pray that it is not too late to save my future, God willing. Hope is all I have and I will cling to it with all my might. That, optimism, and action.

Being married and having a child changes a lot of things, especially your outlook in life. So, before it’s too late, especially if you’re still single, do yourself a big favor and SAVE. Sure, living in the moment is fun but life is not always only about fun. It is also about stability and responsibility. Try to balance having fun with those two and you’ll have a nice future. Your future self will thank you.

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Planning to Unplan

There are moments in our life when we either regret or bask in the choices that we make. I hope I can just simply choose what I feel with the events of my life but with the one thing, I wasn’t given a choice, with the other, I kept going back and forth until I just went with the flow. But whatever I feel with the life I lead now because of these events, I know I won’t have it any other way.

My son, Jace Gabriel Wisen, came to my life as unplanned as IMG_3985it can possibly get. I even cried when I found out I was pregnant, as unsure as I was of motherhood. Two years in though, I could say that Jace is my sunshine. My light at the end of the tunnel. My rainbow after the rain. All his giggles, coos, and gurgles send my heart a leaping and it always feels close to bursting because of so much love. He is the best unplanned event that has ever happened in my life. I never thought I’d be grateful for this unexpected surprise but I am, each and everyday.

 

 

On IMG_3872the other had, our dog Hunter, might not have come unexpectedly but he was surely not planned as well. I just came across his picture on Facebook and decided right then and there that I wanted him. Not the most ideal of life decisions when you go about it but I know I made the right decision. He may be an overly rambunctious, hyper social, and somewhat stubborn five month old Siberian Husky I have ever met but he is also the sweetest dog that has come into my life. He may have brought a lot of changes into my life like waking up real early to feed him and getting soaked every week because I’m giving him a bath but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love this dog and every waking hour he just worms his way into my heart more and more.

So you see, making plans for your life is a good thing but sometimes, it is the unplanned ones that give the greatest joy and brightness into our lives. Maybe because it’s God working. It’s His plan, not ours. He planned for our life to be like this, not us. It’s only unplanned because we didn’t take these things into consideration when going about our life. God did and that’s why it still perfectly fits our life.