Tag Archive | God

Future (Un)Tense

As far as I can remember, I’ve always lived in the present, never thinking about what may be. All that changed when I got married and had a child. Suddenly, I get cold sweats, worry frowns, and anxiety attacks when sudden thoughts of the future permeate my consciousness. It’s not even on purpose. I’m just sitting there, minding my own business when “wham!” “bam!” thoughts about the future invade my mind and crush my soul. There’s no delicious release in sight. It’s just one overwhelming anxiety after another.

I don’t know what it is about the future that I dread so much. Well, I guess not having a stable job and a savings account would do it but it’s not like it’s too late. I can still remedy those things. I think it’s more that I have a child whose future highly depends on my present actions. The constant question, “Will I be able to give him a good future?” looms over my being. I guess it’s the fear of the unknown. I have always thrived on planning and knowing what’s going to happen but the future is a whole new ball game. It’s so dark and murky and that’s why it’s so scary. Also, the fact that all our decisions and actions in the present affect our future. Who knows how my future will turn out because of what I did in the present. Add to that the fact that I have a child who I want to give a bright future to. Pressure much.

I guess it wouldn’t be that bad if I had a stable job and savings but right now I’m so up to my head in debt that I live from paycheck to paycheck, as most people say. Having a glimpse of the future would help ease my fear but then again wouldn’t the future change when I change something in the present? The future is anything but certain. Scratch that one out, I guess.

Right now, I’m holding on to God and trying to change my lifestyle so eventually I will have some savings. I hold on and pray that it is not too late to save my future, God willing. Hope is all I have and I will cling to it with all my might. That, optimism, and action.

Being married and having a child changes a lot of things, especially your outlook in life. So, before it’s too late, especially if you’re still single, do yourself a big favor and SAVE. Sure, living in the moment is fun but life is not always only about fun. It is also about stability and responsibility. Try to balance having fun with those two and you’ll have a nice future. Your future self will thank you.

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My Loves

heart

Whenever you smile

whenever you laugh

my life is worthwhile

my life becomes complete

 

My two greatest blessings

my two greatest loves,

you fill my heart with joy

my world is full

 

Together you are perfect,

together I overflow

I pray to God

this never shatters,

my wonderful world filled with

toddler shrieks

and daddy talks.

Planning to Unplan

There are moments in our life when we either regret or bask in the choices that we make. I hope I can just simply choose what I feel with the events of my life but with the one thing, I wasn’t given a choice, with the other, I kept going back and forth until I just went with the flow. But whatever I feel with the life I lead now because of these events, I know I won’t have it any other way.

My son, Jace Gabriel Wisen, came to my life as unplanned as IMG_3985it can possibly get. I even cried when I found out I was pregnant, as unsure as I was of motherhood. Two years in though, I could say that Jace is my sunshine. My light at the end of the tunnel. My rainbow after the rain. All his giggles, coos, and gurgles send my heart a leaping and it always feels close to bursting because of so much love. He is the best unplanned event that has ever happened in my life. I never thought I’d be grateful for this unexpected surprise but I am, each and everyday.

 

 

On IMG_3872the other had, our dog Hunter, might not have come unexpectedly but he was surely not planned as well. I just came across his picture on Facebook and decided right then and there that I wanted him. Not the most ideal of life decisions when you go about it but I know I made the right decision. He may be an overly rambunctious, hyper social, and somewhat stubborn five month old Siberian Husky I have ever met but he is also the sweetest dog that has come into my life. He may have brought a lot of changes into my life like waking up real early to feed him and getting soaked every week because I’m giving him a bath but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love this dog and every waking hour he just worms his way into my heart more and more.

So you see, making plans for your life is a good thing but sometimes, it is the unplanned ones that give the greatest joy and brightness into our lives. Maybe because it’s God working. It’s His plan, not ours. He planned for our life to be like this, not us. It’s only unplanned because we didn’t take these things into consideration when going about our life. God did and that’s why it still perfectly fits our life.

Morning Thoughts

More and more, the so-called “third sex” rights is gaining a lot of momentum and it is hard for most people, me included, to easily accept it mainly because of what our Holy Book (Bible, Quran, etc.) say. How do we stay true to our beliefs but at the same time respect the LGBT community? I find it hard and painful to also accept that just because a person is gay/lesbian then they are immediately condemned to hell. I have friends who are gay/lesbians and they are the best people I have ever known, the truest friends I have ever had. Furthermore, I find it hard to accept that my God, the God who taught me through Jesus to be compassionate and tolerant, would be so cold hearted to those belonging to the LGBT community. I guess, as my mom would say, in the end, it is up to God to say who goes to heaven and who goes to hell, not us. All we can do is love and respect every living thing in this world and keep praying that He will always guide us to do what is right according to Him – not according to any person on earth who most of the times twists the Holy Book’s words for personal gain.

Merry Christmas! ^_^

Hello everyone! I want to wish you all a very merry Christmas. Thank you for the wonderful gift you have given me – liking and following my blog. As I said before, I never expected my blog to get even one follower, let alone 46, so it’s really a big deal for me. I consider all of you my friends and I thank God for the wonderful blessing of you. May you all have a wonderful holiday celebration with your loved ones. Again, thank you very much and God bless ^_^

Never Alone

It was all so sudden. Aileen still feels like she is in a nightmare.

“May God welcome him into his kingdom…” Fr. Valdez looked sober enough while saying those words but was all those true?

Memories of the past flooded her mind. They were coming home from the grad ball. The sky was sparkling with stars; the wind was warm enough to excite the senses but had a bit of a chill for some cuddling with that special person. It was one of those nights that people read in books and watched in movies.

Next week was the graduation but it was not the only reason why her spirits were up. That night, under the diamonds of the sky, Jeff proposed and she accepted.

She wanted to decline at first but looking in his eyes she saw her future and all else faded. This is her destiny. Then, in a horrid twist of fate, she was robbed.

“Why did he have to arrive at the exact moment we made a turn?” Aileen wondered aloud. Her voice was full of hatred and tears welled in her eyes.

“It was that damned drivers fault. Him and his damn truck and damn alcohol.” Aileen said as she absent-mindedly beat the gravestone with the flowers she brought. Hopelessly, she lay next to it and tenderly traced Jeff’s name.

Tonight was the same night as last year but now, she’s alone. All alone with no one to comfort her. Weeping silently, she gazed at the stars twinkling brightly at her. She hated those stars; their seeming cheerfulness feels like they’re mocking her.

Suddenly at the corner of her eyes she saw something different. It glowed brighter than the rest but something in it seemed to comfort her. It felt like it was watching over her as if it were her very own star.

“The north star,” a voice behind her said.

Aileen carefully stood up and smiled at Mang Pedro, the cemetery caretaker.

“The north star is the brightest of all the stars,” he continued. “It doesn’t sparkle that much but it offers comfort to those in grief.”

Aileen stared at it, feeling hope surge through her for the first time since the tragedy. “Could it be my star?” she shyly asked. “My guiding light?”

Mang Pedro smiled sympathetically and lightly touched Jeff’s gravestone. “It can be anything you want.” Winking, he turned around and headed towards his cottage.

Aileen sighed and looked back at the once nameless star. She still feels empty inside but the star was starting to warm her heart. She knew now – she will never be alone again.