Tag Archive | inspiration

Future (Un)Tense

As far as I can remember, I’ve always lived in the present, never thinking about what may be. All that changed when I got married and had a child. Suddenly, I get cold sweats, worry frowns, and anxiety attacks when sudden thoughts of the future permeate my consciousness. It’s not even on purpose. I’m just sitting there, minding my own business when “wham!” “bam!” thoughts about the future invade my mind and crush my soul. There’s no delicious release in sight. It’s just one overwhelming anxiety after another.

I don’t know what it is about the future that I dread so much. Well, I guess not having a stable job and a savings account would do it but it’s not like it’s too late. I can still remedy those things. I think it’s more that I have a child whose future highly depends on my present actions. The constant question, “Will I be able to give him a good future?” looms over my being. I guess it’s the fear of the unknown. I have always thrived on planning and knowing what’s going to happen but the future is a whole new ball game. It’s so dark and murky and that’s why it’s so scary. Also, the fact that all our decisions and actions in the present affect our future. Who knows how my future will turn out because of what I did in the present. Add to that the fact that I have a child who I want to give a bright future to. Pressure much.

I guess it wouldn’t be that bad if I had a stable job and savings but right now I’m so up to my head in debt that I live from paycheck to paycheck, as most people say. Having a glimpse of the future would help ease my fear but then again wouldn’t the future change when I change something in the present? The future is anything but certain. Scratch that one out, I guess.

Right now, I’m holding on to God and trying to change my lifestyle so eventually I will have some savings. I hold on and pray that it is not too late to save my future, God willing. Hope is all I have and I will cling to it with all my might. That, optimism, and action.

Being married and having a child changes a lot of things, especially your outlook in life. So, before it’s too late, especially if you’re still single, do yourself a big favor and SAVE. Sure, living in the moment is fun but life is not always only about fun. It is also about stability and responsibility. Try to balance having fun with those two and you’ll have a nice future. Your future self will thank you.

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A Writer’s Solitude

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I’ve noticed that I can’t write whenever I am surrounded by everyone in my family. No, it’s not that I am distracted, it’s more that in the hustle and bustle of life in our household, I can’t find myself. I find it difficult connecting to my inner self. I guess that’s why most writer’s feel the need to be alone when they write. Blessed are those who can still write even with all the activity around them but for me and some writers, we need solitude.

Solitude, I’ve learned, helps me connect with my inner self. The one that helps with my reflective mood, the one that reaches into my soul and helps put pen into paper and come up with something. There’s something in being totally alone that triggers my reflections. It’s like I go inside myself and see the world differently, thus, think differently. I feel like I turn into a completely different person, someone with a contemplative and sensitive soul and I feel like I can write the whole day and still have a billion more to say. What’s good with about this is that, afterwards, I feel refreshed. Like I took a dip into a clear pool and emerged fresh and new. I don’t know about the others but I think solitude has helped me a lot not only with my writing but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

The Muse

You arrive

unexpectedly

catching me

unaware

my senses

becomes

sharpened,

creativity

increases

a

thousandfold;

like

a madman

the pen

swiftly flies

the brush

urgently glides,

the music

rapidly bursts!

 

You leave

abruptly

catching me

off-balance

my energy

suddenly drained;

in the

end

there is

nothing –

nothing

but

a work of art,

nothing

but

a masterpiece.

 

Rambling, ranting…whining. Haha

Three months after finishing my poetry novel Unmasked, I still haven’t persuaded my imagination to come back from its exotic vacation. I don’t know, maybe I overworked it and didn’t give it the loving care it needed? What does an imagination need anyway to feel loved? Loads of junk food? Caffeine? Soda? Pint of ice cream? Forgive me for depriving it but I’m getting married in April and I’d like to abstain from all those kinds of food – until after the wedding of course (come on, let’s not kid ourselves, I’m no health buff :P).

It sucks though, to want to work immediately on my graphic novel (which of course I haven’t mentioned here in my blog – curse you rest and relaxation!) but getting distracted by Sims 3 and the growing pile of books I’ve bought and haven’t read. Yeah, I’m banning myself from going into a bookstore for the next 3 months or so – let’s see how long I can keep it up! Haha!

Anyway, as long as I’m not writing I wish my imagination took me with her to Bora Bora or some other exotic place. An alternate dimension perhaps? That would be really cool!

————————————————–

The writing books I’ve read say that there’s no such things as inspiration or a muse but I guess I’m stubborn that way. I bull-headedly cling to my notions of inspiration and at least it did me some good, I was able to make my first ever book. Yay. But how long will it last? Don’t follow my footsteps. Unless you want to write for a week and stare at the wall for the rest of the month, consider yourself warned. Serious writers do not believe in inspiration. There is no such thing as inspiration. Now repeat that 100 more times while I go back to staring at my wall and waiting for my muse to visit me again.

Happy New Year!!! ^_^

I would like to wish everyone a very Happy, Happy, Happy New Year! May this year bring all of us more success, happiness, peace, and love. May God shower us all with more blessings than we could ever imagine.

Thank you for joining me in my journey in the literary world. I hope you’ll continue to support me in the years to come, I really do appreciate it. I promise to work on more books that are full of of inspiration and moral values but are also high on the entertainment factor. Thank you so much. Again, happy new year and God bless ^_^