As lethargy descends upon me, I reach for a pen and a piece of paper and jot down what has been trying to escape from my mind. The words begin to tumble, as if a dog unleashed on a field after a decade of confinement. I fear that my hands are not that fast to catch up with what is spilling out of my thoughts. I know there is a story somewhere..a story of Lana and her journey…a story about Jacob…
Who are they? I myself have no idea but so far this is what they wanted to tell me, in all its unedited glory:
I saw a glint of recognition in his eyes, the first time we met. I don’t know why but my world stopped. He looked as if he knew me very well but thought I only existed in dreams – until the day I got in from the mall’s parking lot and our eyes met. I wanted to stare, to hold his gaze; but something held me back. Something inside told me to act indifferent. He kept looking. He kept looking as if by doing so he will be able to reach my soul. Finally I looked, then a goddess came and took his arm. He had to turn away, what choice did he have? She was real but with a dream like, ethereal really, beauty while I was a dream but with average looks. Things went back to normal. My world started spinning again.
Lana has the knack of picking the right kind of gift to give someone; a friend, a family member or even the family pet. She’s quite the natural, gifted you could say. She gives great advice as well. Her friends, even her own mother, have been blessed enough to know this. But for all her intuitions & empathy there is one thing Lana lacked. An itch she can’t scratch and it has burned a hole in her heart & dimmed the fire in her soul. Yes, for all Lana’s kindness, she is the most uncontent person in the world. All because she does not really know what she wants. As simple as it may sound to most people, knowing what she really wants is as complicated to Lana as a spider’s web.
Jacob. Even his name sounds surreal. Formal and familiar at the same time. It did sound quite out of place in such a trivial environment but I like the way it feels in my mouth. I can say it over and over and over again without getting tired – Jacob, Jacob…Jacob! Oh what a lovely name! How my lips enjoy forming that name while my tongue strongly followed suit to give voice to the sound. It already feels that it belongs to me; a name that was made to be uttered by my lips alone. I own his name, I wonder what he owns of mine?
I saw a glint of recognition in his eyes, the first time we met. My world stopped and now I know why. That was the day his heart spoke & mine answered.
Is it really possible to look at something & not feel anything? No sadness, no joy, no yearning. Not even a hint of tenderness even when you recall an event related to it. The absence of feelings. I never thought it possible but then again, never is such a strong word.