Tag Archive | writer’s block

Writing Woes

I feel like such a fraud. I don’t know if I really have a talent in writing or not. Before, writing was my life. I’d write every second of every minute of every day but now I’d go days and weeks and even months without writing.

Sometimes, I feel like my writing is only connected to my Bipolar. I used to be prolific in writing whenever I was having my attacks. I’d have no trouble writing a poem or an essay. It just came to me. Now, I have to work doubly hard to come up with something to write. I’m not used to it and that’s what’s making me think if I’m a talentless hack or not. What used to come to me like oxygen to my body is now like a super hard nail embedded in wood, too hard to take off.

Because of this I’ve actually stopped applying to and accepting writing jobs. I did this last year but while doing this, there was always the fear gnawing at the back of my mind as to how long I can do this until the juices stop. Until I can’t write anymore. Until now, I’m so scared that what if they give me a topic and I can’t, for the life of me, write?

The writing process for me has never been so hard nor complicated. I just always wrote, the same way I just breathe. Not thinking about it but just doing it. Sometimes, reading what I wrote afterwards, I felt like I was possessed. That someone took over my mind and body and wrote. That’s how one I was with my writing. It’s been a while since I felt it. I miss writing so much.

I have a suspicious feeling my going to law school did this, along with aggravating my Bipolar attacks. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed law school, especially Criminal Law, but it made me pay a price that was so high. It changed me in ways I didn’t anticipate nor expect. It took away my passion and self-love. Now that I know though I can proactively work towards being me again, only better. With this in mind, I look towards the future with excitement and hope. Maybe I’ll even get to write that book I’ve been meaning to write. I just have to work on it. Like many other things.

An Update on Me ^_^

Hi everyone! Although I have only been absent for a month, a lot has changed since then. As they say, change will always be the only constant thing in life. What has changed so far, you ask? There’s really been only one but it’s a big one. Way back in July, I found out I was pregnant. Yup, barely 3 months into my marriage and I was already going to be a mom after nine months. That brought on a barrage of mixed emotions. I was scared, nervous, shocked, happy, and a bit excited all at once. My husband was, to say the least, surprised as well. Since then, all my plans for selling and marketing my book, updating my blog, and working on my other books all went out the window as I struggled to accept this development. Five months into my pregnancy I am still nervous about being a mother, the big question that bugs me is if I will be a good enough mom to this precious bundle of joy especially since I am not ready (let’s face it though, who can say they really were?). But I have come to accept the way my life keeps turning out, full of surprises, love, and laughter. It definitely makes life colorful and worth living so I wouldn’t have it any other way.

One of the drawbacks to this pregnancy is I can’t take my bipolar medications so I have been having attacks for the past few months, luckily with my husband by my side, I can manage it most days. Another thing is, I have found myself not being able to write anything – not even a single stanza of a poem for my second book. Hence, the absence here.

Patience is the key though, I know as with all the other times I have suffered from my manic attacks and writer’s block that I will bounce back. Stronger than before. So this is me, trying to bounce back slowly but determinedly. I can’t wait to update my blog again and finally sell my poetry book UNMASKED. I hope you guys didn’t get tired waiting for me.

Talk to you again soon,
Gen

Rambling, ranting…whining. Haha

Three months after finishing my poetry novel Unmasked, I still haven’t persuaded my imagination to come back from its exotic vacation. I don’t know, maybe I overworked it and didn’t give it the loving care it needed? What does an imagination need anyway to feel loved? Loads of junk food? Caffeine? Soda? Pint of ice cream? Forgive me for depriving it but I’m getting married in April and I’d like to abstain from all those kinds of food – until after the wedding of course (come on, let’s not kid ourselves, I’m no health buff :P).

It sucks though, to want to work immediately on my graphic novel (which of course I haven’t mentioned here in my blog – curse you rest and relaxation!) but getting distracted by Sims 3 and the growing pile of books I’ve bought and haven’t read. Yeah, I’m banning myself from going into a bookstore for the next 3 months or so – let’s see how long I can keep it up! Haha!

Anyway, as long as I’m not writing I wish my imagination took me with her to Bora Bora or some other exotic place. An alternate dimension perhaps? That would be really cool!

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The writing books I’ve read say that there’s no such things as inspiration or a muse but I guess I’m stubborn that way. I bull-headedly cling to my notions of inspiration and at least it did me some good, I was able to make my first ever book. Yay. But how long will it last? Don’t follow my footsteps. Unless you want to write for a week and stare at the wall for the rest of the month, consider yourself warned. Serious writers do not believe in inspiration. There is no such thing as inspiration. Now repeat that 100 more times while I go back to staring at my wall and waiting for my muse to visit me again.

Fighting the blues

When my manic depression starts while I’m in a writing slump, that’s a double whammy. Giving up consumes me and throwing away all that I have written fuels my body. That is when I turn to music – while music still has a melody for me; while it doesn’t hurt my ears yet.

Here’s my play list to motivate me during those dreary times. What about you? Do you have any songs to inspire you or simply get you through the day? Feel free to list them in the comment below, I could use some new songs for my list! ^_^

One Day – Charice
The Climb – Miley Cyrus
Skyscraper – Demi Lovato
Why Not? – Hilary Duff
We can – LeAnn Rimes
Extraordinary – Mandy Moore
Through the Rain – Mariah Carey
Breakaway – Kelly Clarkson
One Step at a Time – Jordyn Sparks
Power of Your Love
Jesus Take the Wheel – Carrie Underwood
Lose Yourself – Eminem
It’s My Life – Bon Jovi
Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey
That’s the way it is – Celine Dion